Defeat Gossip Challenge: Idle Time Makes Time for Gossip

Some tips for eliminating gossip tend to focus on eliminating wasteful time spent.

1)No idle time.
2)Be wise in phone conversations, cut it short or have answering machine take messages.
3)Don't waste time in wasteful talking. Also don't talk too much. (Proverbs 10:19)

Luckily, I've never been a phone gossiper. There are so many more things I could be doing than talking on the phone about other people.

There is one thing that every town, community and even church has, a phone gossiper who is always "tearin" up the line!

May we always make the most of the spare time we have and use our phone calls in a needful way.

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What Nancy Leigh DeMoss Says about the Power of Words

Nancy Leigh DeMoss' radio program, "Revive Our Hearts" has become a very important ministry to me. DeMoss brings free downloads to your computer. Listen to what she has to say about, "The Power of Words".

Death and Life: The Power of Words Click link to download program

Day 5: Say Nothing

I truly believe that the hardest thing in this world is taming the tongue, really! For me to "say nothing" is very very hard! This past Friday at work, I had every intention of keeping low-key and not saying much of anything.

How did it go? Well, let me ask you a question? Have you ever started out a day and thought, "I'm going to really get in TROUBLE today!" That was my day on Friday, I could not keep my mouth shut. On average, I work with two or three ladies and we are almost always talking to each other. As soon as I would say something that day, whether it was gossip or sarcastic, or whatever, I envisioned a tally mark going up. My day on Friday was a reminder of how imperfect I am and the true need for a change. Only through Christ can I change from being the mouthy person I am to being graceful and kind.

UPDATE: Monday I went to work and spoke very little. I was trying to control what I say.....by saying very little (all or nothing I suppose :P). My co-worker did notice a difference and asked if I was "feeling bad, upset, or just not feeling like talking". I just responded that I was tired, which made me quiet (not to mention that I'm trying to keep myself out of trouble :D, which I did not mention).

If my co-worker can notice and comment on the difference in my talkativeness, surely this should be a great motivator to change many things that hurt my witness for Christ.

I want her, and others to see the difference Christ has made in me.

Day 3: Avoid Settings That Lead to Gossip

Top Places to Gossip:
1)Work
2)School
3)Home
4)Church

Can these places be avoided? Mostly, yes. Should they? Absolutely not!

Work: If you work outside of the home, you know well enough that the best place to find gossip is at the work place. So what do you do when you find yourself around gossip? A friend of mine told me about a co-worker she worked with years ago who would leave the breakroom if gossip came up. What a great example! It was VERY convicting to my friend who witnessed this. Gossip can be avoided by watching out for the areas where it takes place, and the people who start it. This may mean that you have your morning break by yourself, or pass up the copy machine when there is a line of gossipers waiting.

School: When I was a freshman in college, I had an hour break between my afternoon classes. Instead of studying or doing homework, my friend and I would watch everyone. We would pick out people, some we knew and some we didn't, and talk about them. We did not necessarily talk bad talk, but just wasteful chat, like how cute someone was, or how someones skirt was a little too....almost not there.

A lot of time was spent wasted by concerning myself with other people. The following semesters I spent in the library by myself, or running errands around town. Idleness is a quick route to gossip, it was for me.

Home: Gossip happens A LOT at home. If you don't think that it happens in your home....ipay careful attention. I know that I often have this notion that home is the "okay" place to gossip, after all....it's just my family I am talking to. I cannot allow my attitudes towards someone else affect the way that my family sees that person. How hard is that? VERY! We want to trust our family with our secrets and the things we share about others, but it can be very dangerous. I have allowed members of my family to affect my feelings about others...even though I got along with the person just fine.

Church: Eek! When I was a child I had the idea that if you were going to lie, just make sure it wasn't in church, even though it was wrong, PERIOD! Same with gossip, if you're going to talk bad about someone, just don't do it in the church, it makes God unhappy. However, suddenly, gossip in church crept up on me. Back in the day, when I was little, I thought that every lady in the church was sweet and the best Christian women you could find. Then I got older and learned more about others via gossip. I can never look at the same women with the admiration I had had before, even though they had done nothing to me to make me feel differently.

Gossip taking place in church can soon seem "needful". Everything that is said on the church grounds seems safe....add the word "prayer" and suddenly telling everyone that you saw Mike talking to another woman really does not seem like gossip, but like a prayer request. Hmmmm.....
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UPDATE: How many times do you unintentionally make a comment and suddenly, you're talking about somebody? Whew....I did that today. I offhandedly brought up a silly remark and words begin to fly from my co-workers...and me. I quickly put it back to rest. This reminded me of a fire that is dwindling done to tiny glowing ashes, then throwing dry straw on it, and suddenly you have a raging fire. This is the way gossip is.

The Lord showed me today the effects on my little remarks, and how they can fuel a fire. I also put into practice not allowing being alone with someone as this could open a window to gossip. If gossip starts, it should be turned quickly around. One thing to help, say, "I got to go to the restroom!" Maybe the person will forget what they were saying. Baby steps..... hehe!

Day 2: Defeat Gossip Challenge

Day 2 Challenge: "Agree with friends and family not to gossip"

Question: What do YOU consider to be gossip among others? Can you talk about the truth with others about someone without it being considered gossip? Where is the line drawn?
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UPDATE: Making an announcement, "Hear Ye, Hear Ye! I will know longer be gossiping, so please make note!" is really not easy, or the best way to handle alerting others of my challenge. It really is best talking to people one-on-one about it. For instance: A friend of mine and I were discussing a situation concerning a particular person I am close to. After telling the situation, which was needful to be told, I committed to my friend that I was not going to say anything negative about this person....period! Emphasizing this to my friend encourages me to be an example to her, and her accountability helps keep my attitude in check.

Defeat Gossip Challenge

It has been a huge burden on my heart for a long time now, and has recently been brought to my attention by others.....I have a bad, bad attitude. I do not know when it started, but I have been on this mean streak that MUST come to an end. Bad thoughts and attitudes towards others has brought gossip out of my mouth and unkindness out of my heart.

To help me with this HUGE problem, which has progressed over time, I'm going to take one day at a time to banish my bad attitude (which brings forth gossip).

Everyday I will carry an index card with a new "step" to defeat gossip. Here is where I found my so-called "steps."

Tomorrow: "Think godly thoughts of others" Will you join me in this fight (flesh and spirit)?


UPDATE: Today I tried to turn thoughts of others to good thoughts about them. I was confused at what it meant to "think godly thoughts of others". What does that mean to you? To be "godly" and think well of others? Or to think of ways people are godly?

"The Mouth Speaks"

Don't indulge in conversation that is harsh, bitter, critical, impatient, crude, vulgar, or unrefined.

A friend of mine and I once agreed that if we didn’t have to speak, or shall I say, couldn’t speak, then our spiritual lives would always honor the Lord. However, God chose to give me a voice. Shouldn’t I honor the Lord with what I speak and say to others?

Christian women from the beginning of times have needed desperately to fight a stereotype….gossip. Most men will tell you that their wives are gossipers, like a child telling you that their parents are nicer in public; husbands are quick to admit that a five minute phone call to her best friend will turn into a two hour gab-fest (otherwise known as “catch-up time”).

In fact, I have certain “friends” that talking to them is nothing but gossip. “What’s going on with her? Who is she with now? She’s marrying who?” Shouldn’t I be asking, “How’s your relationship with the Lord?” If I’m talking to my friend on the phone, shouldn’t I be concerned with her, not someone else?

My pastor tells us how it is (praise the Lord). He said that people, including Christians, love to see people mess up. And he’s right, because instead of me asking about someone so I can pray for them or discussing situations so I can pray, almost always, my #1 motive is DIRT. I want to know the “juicy” stuff.

Not only that, but I have found myself just wanting to “discuss” someone, their behaviors, their life, just to see if someone else agrees with me. “Am I the only one that notices that Sue raises her voice at her husband?” What does that end up accomplishing? Thirty minutes of gossiping on the other times we’ve seen Sue mess up, or her husband. Who prays for her…no one? What am I doing in reality? Possibly causing another Christian to stumble, perhaps they struggle with gossip too. I need be very concerned with the hearer of the conversation (1 Cor. 10:24).

What I learned: First of all, ladies who love the Lord are called to be different (I will say this almost in every post). This means that the things we say have got to be different from the world. Before I say anything and the words are on the tip of my tongue, I should ask myself, does what I’m about to say honor the Lord? If it doesn’t, I shouldn’t say it.

I thank the Lord that He sent the Holy Spirit to convict me, because boy does He ever! Almost always, as soon as I say something, I think, “oh, I shouldn’t have said that!” God’s Word says that “the beginning of strife is like releasing water; therefore stop a contention before a quarrel starts” (Prov. 17:14). That’s the same with our words. Once we start speaking them, they take control. These words that we use can either honor the Lord, or make Him look silly.

I admit, I’m so critical of others, I can be critical of myself too, but I most certainly forgive differently. Example, when I mess up, “oops!” On the contrary, when someone else messes up, “What were they thinking!?!” Of course, when someone messes up I need to talk about it, with someone else….”what was she thinking?”

What to do now? I can never take back what I say to others, but I can work to honor the Lord with my mistake. How?

1. Ask the Lord to forgive me.
2. Thank the Lord for the Holy Spirit’s conviction. And pray that I will become more aware of my convictions.
3. Ask the other person involved directly or indirectly in the conversation for forgiveness. People are watching us, especially waiting for us to mess up. Others often realize that we’ve messed up before we even realize it. I need to humble myself and ask for that person’s forgiveness, which alone will be a great witness to them for Christ. It’s okay to show others that we mess up sometimes. As Christian ladies, we need to be able to tell our Sisters, I have failed the Lord today.
4. Commit, through prayer and accountability to change the way I speak, weather it’s crudely, negatively, critical, boastful. Constantly talk to the Lord about it, He knows! I think often I underestimate God’s love for me. But God wants us to tell Him what’s going on, even though He already knows. Also, ask close friends to keep me accountable when they hear me saying things that don’t honor the Lord.
5. Change things around.

Other: “Jane is cheating on her husband, did you know that?”

Me: “We must pray for Jane and her husband.”

Take control of your conversations!

Ladies, let’s be different from the World and stop gossip in its tracks! Whoever said being a lady meant sitting around and gossiping is wrong, being a lady should be about confiding with dear friends through prayer and encouragement.